Here I be

I am noticing a deepening, a mellowing -- almost like a rebirth that is happening. There is a "slowing down", actually a dropping out of the frenzy.

Is it just age catching up or is it another layer of ignorance dropping away?

Is there a growing clarity between being committed and being driven? Between "letting happen" and "making happen"?

The slow, inexorable death of the me, mine and all the familiar but deadly (!) mis-identification?

I could just sit and watch the sunlight on the grass, come through the foggy / hazy air. Watch people go about their lives. Feel the "restlessness" inside my body and my thinking! Watch the smile catch the lips, spread across my face, into my eyes and my entire being.

Grateful to be here, now! Nowhere to go, nothing really to do, to prove, to accomplish!!

Just a deep and complete acceptance of here-now!

Next Step? (December 25, 2007)

Paper – blank, smooth, inviting

Is so after a long arduous journey

much like the land below

fields, homes, rivers, mountains, roads

all signatures of the Maker

Fueled by sunlight, air and water

Rooted by and in Mother Earth

All held in the Infinite Space

The mystery of time

the illusory foe-ally!

The magic our human ability

to think, to feel

to read, write,

speak and reflect

Delusions of the pattern making mind?

Fed incessantly by the sensory apparatus

An old habit

perpetuated by civilizations since time immemorial?

There is a lot of shaking and moving

Thanks to the turbulence of “updraft” of rising air

The pen is not flowing (at this height?)

Literally and Metaphorically

The Unshakable sense of fatigue

The hesitant but growing expectation

of the deeper unfolding that lies ahead

The looking back brings awe and gratitude

Mixed with regret at “silly mistakes”

and “giving into fears”

The insights gained must be lived and shared

For the journey thus far to be worthwhile

and more significantly to enable rapid unfolding

This is the time

To let GO and let God

Drop all expectations

All thinking, planning

Just Be Love!!

BE LOVE (On August 18, 2007)

Long time no see
Actually right now hardly “see”
More than a month of action flurry
tilting at windmills – inside and outside
in a great deal of hurry

Becoming flush with the pulsating must do energy
Eagerly moving out to make happiness happen
Little realizing that rather than enlightening
the other were left screaming
scalded by the brutal directness
the total absence of niceness
the burning insistence
on facing
on shedding masks
on owning
on claiming
on becoming alive
right here, right now!!

Am I here
to heal (my self)
to make whole
to reveal the abundance
to unveil a life of love and surrender
which is both the source and the path?
Then can anger and force be a weapon?
When I fight with what is,i.e. Reality
Blindingly obvious who loses and how?!

So is it time to embrace power
to let go once and for all this shore
Is it time to face the mother of all fears?
This lunatic core belief of that there is a real me,
who has a purpose, a mission to make a better you?
That there is a finite window of opportunity for change, for evolution?
The illusive reality of time and space, and of course you and me?!

An effective coach indeed,
the raw energy certainly feels good
fulfills the bottomless void of the monkey mind
gives a sense of purpose and of direction
but ultimately, after all is said and done,
leaves me a prisoner of me!

So is it not time for next wave of Grace?
For the ultimate (?) Divine Embrace
the letting go of “me” and “mine”
The letting come of real gyaan
The essential vi-gyaan
The reality of WonderWW

You are being freed
because you are ready
to shoulder the awesome responsibility
what else is there to do
who else can I be

Be Love
Be Divine Love
Acceptance, naah!
Letting go, Naah!!
Celebration and just be!
Let happen
Light rather than heat
inspire, invoke and let it be
only work is you
loosing you, finding Him
24 by 7, everywhere

Silence
Gratitude
Action as Divine Expression
A 24 by 7 Celebration

Reflections of “awakening”? (On September 17, 2007)

It is 4:30 AM

Nearly a month of hurricanes and typhoons

in the emotional space

A month of movement

of accomplishment

of progress and inevitable regress!!

On the expression of anger

the near and dear have been always in danger

the realization is that outbursts

have neither been effective or efficient

if change was the objective!!

It is a game of expectations

which you can't ever win!!

If you win, you want more

If you loose, you still want more!

The original motivation was / is to create, to participate

It gets warped via schooling

Society gives rise to the me

and inevitably the divide of other and me

the wedge that divides

the mother of all conflicts

there are twin forces of conditioning

fitting in – be like the norms

and standing out – become someone different

fulfill your potential they urge

together they ensure

the routine chaos

of socially acceptable and respected living

when you wake up

to being had, to being used

Your conditioned natural response

is to blast at the immediate prison walls

that changes nothing

the wall generator remains intact

making other walls grow

and consumes 5 life-minutes per flare up

a total loose-loose preposition, if there ever was one!!

So, if one is stays the course (permitted to stay?)

One reaches the end of terra-cognita

there there is the actual awakening

the seeing

That Love

Unconditional acceptance

is the only valid stance

in all situations

with everyone

the ultimate 2 inch leap of faith

Divine love, here I be

Genuinely life is a self-fulfilling prophecy

Why not change the script?

By unplugging from the ruling socio-political-economic matrix?

And tuning into the celestial jazz ensemble

A moment-to-moment celebration

of Live

Of Living

Of Loving

of ONE LIFE!!

Accept / transcend (On October 1, 2007)

Accepting what is
that is the sagely universal advise
they say
the surest road to peace

then the mind rebels
it sees many improvement possibilities
it wants to do something
to address the blatant injustice!

The common refrain
if all of us did nothing, we could still be in caves
can't just accept
sit and do nothing and let things be

sensible, intelligent, activist
brilliant terms to make a willing change artist
blinded and deafened to true acceptance

how does real change happen?
in temporal, spatial dimension
because the changeless source is beyond forever!!

change is a perception
change is a manifestation
Change is a comparison
[perceived only on the background of the eternal changeless one]

comparison needs an ideal and a standard
we measure the actual against the ideal
and then we feel great or lousy

In the act of measurement
what happens is a judgment
judging “what is” to be either Good or Bad

And the “world” begins
We wants comfort, freedom from pain, only light
we want “infinity” here and now!!

But how do we
become wise if do not accept our dumbness
become wise if do not accept our sadness
become wise if do not accept love our boundaries

The opposites make a whole
what is and what can be
maketh a perceptual whole

the source beckons
through the dance of opposites
whole choices that is Life

nothing happens
without loving what is
bringing forth
by letting go and letting GOD

Love (November 1, 2007)

How far afield of the design am I?
Is the lack of excitement leading to “depression”
Which, then is triggering aggression and frustration ?
All the intellectual gymnastics not withstanding
the perpetual gnawing of inadequacy??

What, if the messes are perfectly designed labs?
What if the alarm bells inside need such obvious triggers?
GOD with four hands, remember?
Notice,What you notice?
No Objective Reality out there?
It is all a “projection”!

So if I am the reliever of Stress,
then I will need a lot of “distress”!
So “Crisis” situations is what will abound
with fear, anger, naked raw emotion
jungle instincts, fight for survival

What if magic and abundance are my gifts?
24by7 happiness is my Shadow?
I am the Party?
Every breath a Celebration?

So if there is no-one else out there
There is no Process, other than Mine
What am I saying when I speak of flow and Learning?
“Loving what is” is the only work!
Nothing “specific” to-do, to change-to!
Letting Happen!!

When I look for purpose, I become robotic!
To discover the “Divine” is the sole human purpose
We may get there in our own unique ways
It is “meaning” that we live for!!

But, is “meaning” out there?
Is “meaning” a discovering of resonance?
An awakening to my Dharma
“fitting in” to my designated Calling?

As if there is one grand design?
Infinite possibilities – an illusion or a reality?
Choices – whole and lifetime ==> confusion?

Flow == uninterrupted success and interruption == learning space?!
OR
Loving what is== Seeing the Grand Design
and
Being Love== Living the design??

Illumination of Ignorance (On November 1, 2007)

Bottlenecks, breakdowns and oh yes breakthroughs!

A life of struggle, of heroic persistence

Another strategy, another mechanism

of the Matrix?

Suffering, patience, struggle

Working hard and smart

The “surrender” to the dream

The “living out” of the passion

The reference to the Divine Design

The invocation of the Divine

The conquest of the Evil

A dance of and in Duality!

The “fundamental” ignorance

of me and the other

Who notices “What is”?

Who loves “What is”?

Is there a time and space?

Do “I” have a body, a mind, the senses?

What is this intellect?

Who is Aware?

Who is writing this?

Senses and brain ==> pattern recognition

Discovering Design when there is none?

Leverage, framework, possibilities

Axioms and Theories

all a figment of imagination?

Co-Arising, is this what it is?

With the birth of “me”, the world begins?

Big Mystery – Just who is at home?

What's the name of this game?

What's the game?

What's my next move?

The only ignorance “I”

must find “me”

Beyond the having and the doing

Discovering the Being!!

Masks and faces (On October 14, 2007)

We have to “un”mask
many times over
till we see the face
only to realize, alas
it is yet another, multi-faceted mask!!

What a shock to know
that you forever project
a believable face
what a hilarious farce!!

A game of the five senses
in synch with the multiple intelligences
“Buddhi”is what keeps “maya” going
till the “sources transmission” starts receiving

Who transmits?
Who receives?
What a trap this is!
me and the other
be it bovine or Divine!!

A higher - a lower
A good - An evil
forever the dance of the dual
particles with opposite spin
together forever
but, yet, not the “Source”!

Love and hate
Gain and loss
Pain and Joy
Real and illusion
Always the dual expressed points to the One source!

Silence – not the opposite of noise
Peace – not the opposite of battle/ conflict
Love – not the opposite of hate
Awareness-- not the opposite of ignorance

No words, no description
No re-cognition of the Source
Breaking down
of all deep walls
of expectations and of regrets

Ah! freedom – the full and final!

AL(L)ONE (On October 14, 2007)

Death of a dream
Birth of a “deep” scream
tears rush down in a stream
washing away the hard pain

waking up to the “loving real”
releasing the load of expectations
the source of anger and depression
settling in to the eternal loneliness and Oneness!

Physical, is not real, just surreal!
Emotional is hell when attached to the physical.
Heaven when yoked to the Spiritual
The upheaval is complete!

Death, be it of an illusion
brings forth a certain wistfulness
a wishing for different “outcomes”
But as they say, life comes in “wholes”

There will be hurt and conflict
along with the happiness gift
moving together and then adrift
two ships on the ocean of Life

Loneliness is the partner of mis-identification
Me male, She female,
attraction and repulsion
Pushing buttons, finishing lessons
Life times traversed in one verse!!

Harshness, brashness, aggressiveness, assertiveness
all the male hardness
Sulking, criticizing, complaining, resigning
all the female cunning
The negatives and positives all canceling

Zero and infinity
two ends of the tunnel of Possibility
Just a shift in perspective
from old illusion to new contact with the Real!

Let Go
Let God
Be LOVE
No One
AL(L)One!

Excitment and Resistance (October 2, 2007)

There is often a restlessness
A nameless urgency
a need for speedy shifts
a deep impatience

Is it the seeing of the possibility
that triggers this “make happen now” energy?
As if a baby has discovered a brand new toy
and anybody who holds back is an enemy?

Is there only a Move and Oppose?
whither are the Follow and Bystand
The essential other axis in human dynamics?
To move the conversation from
debate to Dialogue?!

This “here and now” energy
Is anything but compassionate
it seeks to carry everyone
like a sweeping tsunami!

Tectonic shifts within
the bottom of the ocean moves
forcing the water to follow
the innocent shore gets the Tsunami!!

So can anything be done
to “safely” release the energy
the same one that causes the tectonic shifts
without holding back the required shifts?!

restless earth
impatient mind
inherent in the fabric of the manifest
in the eternal cycle of birth and death

Creation for some
Destruction for others
Birth of a flower is death of a bud
Form shifts ,the source is Eternal!

Attachment to form
that makes death so painful
it is the same “ignorance”
that causes “urgency” and the “resolute resistance”

This Day (October 13 2005)

My eyes are feeling tired and heavy
My stomach and guts are in a churn
I can so easily fall into the dark and dreary
But I sense that with commitment things are about to turn

There is a traveling and staying away from home
There is a string of broken promises / failed plans
There is a rising concern about the balance-of-payments at home
There is a large gap between performance / realities and potential / possibilities!

In face of all this
I seem to be waiting for an insight
A sign, a symbol from the Divine light

3.5 years plus since I stopped being an employee
Much explored, much understood, much more to perceive
The critical must-do is to be true

Learning to plan, to execute the plan
to reflect on the Outcomes
to participate in the design
of the life one is here to Live!

Home with Savita where my heaven is
Seeing Srushti blossom into a young lady
Nurturing Sohum into a healthy and fun boyhood
Being Present and Being Loving!

Friendship (Circa Feb 2003)

What a day and it is only half done

So much spoken, so much shared

It is like spring cleaning

Deep Cleansing through simple sharing

Twists and knots they vanish

when someone listens

and there is a deep silence

of a deep connection

A connection which transcends time and space

A connection which always existed – eternal

This is the gift of the day

and what delicious irony

such a flow and a glow

with a person whom I always knew

but she is ever new!

Thank you, is too small a phrase

Too contrived between friends of the real kind

but then how do I express my gratitude?

to this miracle that happened today

It is our attitude!

Dude!